My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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