I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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