I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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