I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
