I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
