I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
