If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
