does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
