You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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