I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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