You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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