Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
