dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
