i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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