K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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