When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
