Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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