i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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