So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i now understand why vodka
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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