Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
