She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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