Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
