we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
