That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
