I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
