there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
