Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
