I smell stomach acid.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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