So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
