So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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