Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
