Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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