Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well I just put wine in my tea
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
