I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
