weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
