I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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