white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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