New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
