if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
