News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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