I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
