My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
