and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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