sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
