The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
