I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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