I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
