Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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