man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
