I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
