Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
