Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
