Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
