I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
