Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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